I had a letter to the editor of my local paper published on Friday of this last week. I thought that I'd share it with you.
A New Social Contract
Recently, readers of the Daily News were informed that our police
department has employed the olfactory skills of a drug-sniffing dog
to better secure our city against drug use by our fellow citizens.
Tourists and Inn-streeters [the local teenagers hang out] alike can now
look forward to having their persons examined by this sensitive and
no-doubt expertly trained detection system while they window shop
and enjoy the sights of our fair city.
But they should know that, like the son of a friend of mine, they too
can be called into court for just being in the company of someone who
attracts the attention of this drug-sniffing dog. So I would like to
suggest a new social contract to my neighbors, in the spirit of self-
preservation and keeping their names out of the police log lest they
become the object of speculation and failing reputation.
When greeting friends, instead of asking how they are, or how the
children are doing in school, waste no time with such pretty
flourishes. There is not a moment to lose -- the dog may be at your
heels for all you know. Ask to see the contents of their pockets or
purse, and check not only for telltale baggies, but also for any
paraphernalia that may harbor residue. Smell their breath for extra
security. If they are only a casual acquaintance and you feel
awkward about asking, check the contours of their clothes. Are there
any bulges that may not be explained by anatomy? Very good friends
might even consider the full-body pat-down. Given time, such
exchanges might replace the ineffective handshake as the typical
American greeting. Who needs the Fourth Amendment when you are --
and have -- a vigilant friend?
Just looking out for you,